| | So it's been a long time. I ended up coming back to Seattle. Often I wish I had stayed in Japan. Sometimes, when I am blessed to share moments with good friends, I am glad to be back in Seattle.
It was difficult, down to the last minute. I went back to Seattle at the beginning September, ostensibly to visit my family and friends before returning for one last semester in Japan. Also because I didn't have a place to live for those two weeks. I had gone through the process of applying, interviewing, and being accepted by Ritsumeikan for an extension semester, followed by the exhausting back-and-forth with the immigration office to get my visa extended. I had slammed my head against the wall of housing discrimination for almost a month before finally getting a place lined up. And then there was saying goodbye to all my friends as they left to go home.
It was not an easy month.
So I got to Seattle and, as I always do, continued to second-guess my decision to stay. I was back-and-forth down to the last hour -- literally. I thought I had made my final decision to stay in Japan, but then the combination of a less-than-pleasant conversation with my girlfriend and a conversation with my dad about his experiences as a young man made something flip. I packed myself back up and within an hour, I was headed towards the airport to fly back to Japan, pack up all my stuff, say goodbye to everyone, and get back to Seattle in time for classes.
Ultimately, I'm not quite sure what made the decision for me. A lot of little things, I guess. Likely the most important aspect, and the one that I still wrestle with myself about, is the necessity to graduate. If I am going anywhere with Ayu, I need to get myself a degree. Staying in Japan for another two quarters wouldn't get me any closer.
Coming home has been rough. I dislike the frantic pace of the UW, and the whole way knowledge and education are organized and administered here. I really, really don't like the weather. And, for the first couple of months, I was not sure I wanted to live where I now live...with nine other guys. (I still have my moments...white people are so competitive...but for the most part, I've come to enjoy living here.)
A lot of the things I feared in coming back have ended up being true. I find myself very lonely. Most of my best friends have graduated and moved on, sometimes moving away. Every once in a while, I get the chance to have breakfast with an old friend or coffee with another. I know what a toll loneliness has on me, if only by how utterly refreshed I feel by a good night out with old friends. Or maybe I'm just getting old.
(never finished this post...so let's just post it already, huh?) |
| | Posted 12/3/2007 7:44 PM - 89 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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